Near to You
by Jinxometer
Summary: Christine tries to convince herself to live her life with Raoul after the events below the opera house. After a startling dream, she uncovers a revelation that has been staring her in the face since the very beginning. Based mainly off ALW Musical ENJOY


**A/N: My first Phan Phic! Yay! Please enjoy! This phic is based off the song "Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy, I love the song and when I listened to it again, I instantly thought this plot! **

**I used certain aspects of certain versions of Phantom. Mainly of the ALW Musical (totally hasn't been obsessed with the 25****th**** anniversary DVD) But seriously, if you haven't seen the 25****th**** anniversary DVD I highly suggest seeing it. The acting is amazing and I love Ramin Karimloo's interpretation of The Phantom. He adds a touch of Leroux to the character that I think is a MUST. Especially "Down Once More" *dies of sadness*! I used the Mother/ Daughter relationship between Mme. Giry and Christine from the 2004 movie. I can see Leroux in here too in little details, but feel free to disagree with me! **

**Enjoy!**

**He and I had something beautiful,**

**But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last**

**Christine POV**

I close my eyes and try to remember the first time I heard his voice, my angel's, echo through the walls of the L'Opera Populaire. It was also the day the walls of my soul shattered.

My father had been dead... a while, and I was still enraged with the world for its injustice. How could he be taken away from me? The only person I had left to be there for me. It's not fair. I chant these words in my head for years after: It's not fair.

On my father's death bed, he told me that I would be visited by an angel of music. This memory, the final one of my beloved father, reverberated in my mind for years after as a soft reminder.

"Where's my angel of music?" I would ask to myself on cold nights in the chapel in the basement of the L'Opera Populaire. "Please, send me my angel."

Years later, I almost forgot of an angel; until he spoke to me.

All those years of anger, loss, and sorrow were scarcely erased and left with awe. Music ignited my life once again. My angel of music exists! And he's here! He speaks to me! He sings for me!

I remember my joy and speechlessness when he first sang for me- a voice of an angel: beautiful and as pure as sunlight.

But what did I know about angels? Do they have lives, emotions, lovers? Certainly not!

Above all and most importantly: how could I have known at the time that my angel is no angel at all, but a man with a voice of the gods and a soul as dark as night?

Before and after I knew about the man I call, "Angel", he occupied my every thought and decision. He kept me company on those nights after practices and performances. Above all, he sparked one thing I thought I lost a long time ago: my music.

Just his voice- elegant and beyond words- inspired me alone back into the world of music: my dream realm.

Our relationship then was beautiful. When we each sang, it was as if our souls were connecting on the most intimate level. We felt each other's pain through the music and for those years, we helped each other.

The night I found out he was no immortal being, I wasn't upset at all. I was intrigued; at no time did I think, _"It was all a lie."_ Who we both were wasn't a lie. Not to each other.

Dysfunctional would be the best fit to describe our relationship when it grew more complicated. He's darker than I've ever seen a man. That darkness caused my fear. His anger blinded me. Anger can make any soul seem distorted. I thought I was seeing him for what he was, so I ran. I ran to my new source of life- my protection.

Raoul was kind, sweet, and my protection. I was drawn to him just as I was to my angel- to be my life and savoir from darkness.

My angel's anger was frightful, and his fury instantly increased by my decision. And as a result, my angel's soul turned black with jealousy and rage. I thought that was his true color. Darkness was his domain; why would his soul be any other color? But when I looked into my angel's eyes while Raoul's life was hanging on a swift movement of a Punjab lasso underneath the opera house, I saw a pleading, lost soul masked by jealousy and rage. I felt our souls connect again as they once did.

"Pitiful creature of darkness, what kind of life have you known? God give me courage to show you, you are not alone!"

And I kissed him- my mentor, teacher, and angel. Then I understood. I was his light, as my father had been to me. Why must the world be so cruel to take away the only light he's known?

I pulled away and hugged him.

Lifting my head to gaze into his eyes, wet with fresh tears, I crushed his lips to mine once again. _"One soul,"_ I thought.

"**Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." –Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.**

Again, I pulled away. He was crying, and now so was I. All his pain was in his gaze, and there was only one possible cure. Something he has never received: love. My Lord, I have to break this man's heart. God bless him many times over.

His face never truly mattered. No matter how many veins were visible or toughs of puckered skin jarred out of his blotchy, red, discolored face; his face only displayed the madness life has given to him and nothing more. Despite his ugly face, he was no different when I first heard his voice. Except this time, he was real.

He closed his eyes and pulled away from me. Pain twisted his marred face.

He glided past me, picking up a candle stick. I just stared and watched his movements as he moved towards Raoul. I couldn't think. I almost forgot how to breathe at that moment.

The Phantom used the fire to burn the rope off of Raoul, freeing him in one swift movement.

I will never forget the words that came out of his mouth, "Go. Forget all you've seen." Then later, "GO NOW AND LEAVE ME."

**I loved her so I let her go**

**Because I knew she would never love me back**

**Erik POV**

_"Don't do this,"_ my conscience whispered, _"let her go."_

I can't describe the feeling this thought caused me. Out of everything I've been through: rejection time and time again, the beatings inflicted by the gypsies and the cruel on lookers, all of my emotional torment, nothing could equal this.

When did I grow a conscience? I closed my eyes with terror. Let it be damned; it is right. I can't do this to her.

Still spinning from her kiss, oh the kiss! My first and my last! Her compassion, her kindness moved me. Despite my face... she still... she has given me the ultimate kindness that I have never known. Even if it was for her lover- my heart ached at the thought- I have to repay her. I dropped her chains. It took all my strength, but I did it.

"**What I needed the most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily, I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels." –Saint Augustine**

She could never love me back. I can at least love her enough to give her another life in the light and not with me in the darkness. She belonged in the light- her beauty, voice, and compassionate soul.

So I let her walk away, taking with what was my soul with her.

"Take the boat! Promise me! Never to tell! The secrets you know of this ANGEL IN HELL!" I screamed. Agony is what I felt.

**Such pain shouldn't have to be experienced**

**I'm still reeling from the loss**

**Still a little bit delirious**

I reached the home of an old and dear friend. Delirious, a mess, and absent minded; I found myself at the door.

Daroga opened the door cautiously before seeing me. "Allah, Erik! Don't do that to me! And in the middle of the night?"

"I apologize, my friend," I whispered. I ignored the look of shock on his face as he escorted me into the parlor. He was clearly surprised by my sudden manners. I have always been a hard person to get along with.

With the police out to arrest me, I closed the curtains hastily before collapsing on the chair across from my old acquaintance. I was forced to retell the story of my demise beneath the opera house tonight and the woman that caused it.

**Christine POV**

Raoul had forced me to live with him at his estate after the traumatic experience at the opera house.

It's already been three days and all I've done is sleep, eat little, and most of all: think.

Raoul had come to my room constantly, each time to find little conversation and lack of response from me. Only when he came with yesterday's news did I become suddenly interested in something he had to say since the ordeal.

The Phantom disappeared. Raoul told me he vanished after we had left him in what seemed like forever ago, much less three days ago.

All I can think about is my angel, The Phantom, the man with an angel's soul and the devil's face.

I couldn't stop either. The look in his eyes after I kissed him- the pain distorted his already flawed features before he let me go. The love he has given and lost.

I reminded myself that he was gone. Poof, disappeared, vanished, _gone. _I hope he finds the happiness he so much deserves. Yet, my heart ached to think about him being gone.

_"It's for the better,"_ I force myself to think. _"He let you go. I need to live my life with Raoul."_ Why did that thought fill me with sadness and guilt? Raoul has been so good to me since the occurrence!

**You and I have something different **

**I'm enjoying it cautiously**

**I'm battle scarred; I'm working oh so hard** **to get back to who I used to be**

He's been so patient with my odd moods as I sort out my wreck of a life.

I have to be better to him! I have to be better _for_ him! I can be Little Lotte again!

As I pondered, a knock came at my door in the de Chagny mansion. "Come in!"

Raoul appears and smiles promptly upon seeing me, that concerned look in his eyes. He wants to help; I know he does. He only wants to help.

"Raoul-"

"Christine-"

We both paused. Raoul asked me to go on, but I insisted he go.

"Christine, I'm concerned about you. I want you to know that it's over! I'm going to make sure _he _never comes back to harm you. We're free now!" he said forcefully.

"I'm so sorry, Raoul," I whisper. He brought me no joy when he walked into the room. Whatever spark I ever had with Raoul has burned out. Yet, I'm safe. Safe from what? The Phantom let us go! Let _me_ go! I have nothing to fear. I must love Raoul. I must.

"You've been so good to me in spite all that has occurred. Raoul, I appreciate your patience with me, more than you know. But give me time to-" I had to choke the word out, "-forget."

**Near to you**

**I am healing, but it's taking so long**

**Even though he's gone and you are wonderful**

**It's hard to move on**

"What is there to forget? You're safe now! That monster can't control you anymore!"

"Raoul! He's _not _a monster! He let you _go!" _I was shocked by Raoul's words, as well as mine.

"He tried to _kill _me! Not to mention try to force you to _MARRY HIM!" _

I flinched at Raoul's cruel words. "_YOU DON'T KNOW HIM!" _I stood up, my fists clenched at my sides.

"And you _d_o? He's _not _controlling you anymore, Christine!"

"Raoul, no one controls me! Please stop calling him a monster! I won't stand for it!" I softened my voice to a plea.

"Why the change of heart, Christine? You yourself called him a monster not so long ago!"

I, as well as my "savoir", remained silent, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration.

What _was _my sudden change of heart? All of a sudden I felt a lead weight in my stomach- guilt. Oh what horrible things I've said about my angel since discovering his identity!

"Raoul, please listen to me," tears were gathering in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Christine. Please try to understand why I'm upset." He came up to me slowly. He brushed a couple of stray hairs off my forehead and kissed the place where his hand delicately touched.

"I love you," he stated, but I couldn't look him in the eye. He replaced his hand at his side and walked out of the room.

In the days after, we pretended the fight had never occurred. All in all, we pretended that The Phantom never even existed.

I became the doting fiancé that I was supposed to be.

**I only know that I'm better near to you**

But every smile, only slight and unfeeling, was faked along with everything else. Everything was dull, like it was when my father passed. It was life, but without color or excitement. My angel brought the color into my life and took it with him when I rejected him.

"_This is where I'm supposed to be," _I lied to myself.

A month or so went by, I lost track of the days, each one more like the next.

Raoul was happier that I was "better" now. I think he knows somewhere inside I won't ever be the way I was before. Little Lotte was gone with my father.

A couple of weeks ago, Raoul reconfirmed our engagement and set the wedding for a month from now. He assured me that I wouldn't have to lift a finger for the ceremony. All that is required of me is to show up with my beautiful self and my love.

I truly don't deserve this man.

I dressed in my night gown and prepared myself for sleep.

The bed was soft and comfortable. The pillows were fluffed and the bed was made every morning by the maids.

"_Safe and sound,"_ I thought to myself. _"In my castle of comfort."_

I eventually fell into an uneasy sleep.

In my dreams, I was back in The Phantom's lair- his make shift home.

He was nowhere in sight, however. I moved about his home with small fluid movements. I touched the keys of the organ softly with the tips of my fingers, not making a sound. A quill and ink sat on the ledge of the magnificent instrument and fresh parchment on the music ledge, waiting to be composed on.

"_Christine, Christine." _A voice echoed, _his _voice. I stood on alert and looked around, trying to locate him.

"Angel?" I whispered.

"_It's over now: the music of the night!" _My angel's voice sang softly and sorrowful. His voice shook as if he was injured.

"Angel!" I yelled. "Where are you?" I yelled and searched frantically. "ANGEL!"

Suddenly he was in front of me, and close to my face, without his mask. His disfigurement, his greatest enemy, looked sicklier than ever.

He gave me a look that I instantly recognized. His gaze was hard with anger, but his eyes betrayed him with hidden agony and pleading.

"You try my patience," he hissed in my ear, "make your choice."

I shot out of bed to find a long ago familiar face sitting on the edge of my bed- my once beloved, right here in front of me.

The eyes of Gustave Daaé twinkled into mine. A sob escaped my throat as I threw my face into my hands, shaking my head. "_This can't be real!"_I thought.

"Christine," a soft, masculine voice pleaded. "Christine, ma jolie," the voice pleaded again. I slowly lowered my hands from my face to still find my father, smiling at me.

I lurched forward, throwing myself onto him and hugging him with all my might.

"Mon père! Papa!" I expressed my delight. I held onto him as if my life depended on him; it -my life- once did depend on him. He was so real and right in front of me. "I've missed you," I choked.

"Not as much as I've missed you," he said, pulling away, looking at me with a fatherly gaze. "Look at you, Lotte! Such a beautiful woman! Just like your mother!"

I blushed and smiled, genuinely.

His gaze grew solemn. "Ma jolie, why do you lie to yourself?"

I froze. How? How did he know?

"I know these things, daughter."

"I- I- because- I-"

"Why do you forsake your angel, Christine?" He asked softly, but boldly.

I was swept away again, my father gone.

"NO! COME BACK! COME BACK!" I sobbed.

Once again, I find myself in the cellars of the opera house. A voice echoes in my head and steadily grows louder.

"Take the boat, promise me never to tell." My angel's voice, "The secrets you know of this ANGEL IN HELL!" he screams painfully causing my heart to shatter knowing that I caused his pain.

I look to find him collapsed on the ground, his head hidden in his hands.

Taking slow steps towards him, I lifted his hands away from his face: unmasked and in front of me. I caressed his deformed cheek before I kissed him once again. He reacted as he did the first time, tensing every muscle, his deformed lips quivering- the salt of our tears in the mix.

"_Why do you forsake your angel?" _echoes in the back of my mind.

"_You could love him,"_ a voice whispers.

"CHRISTINE!"I was being dragged back once again. I didn't want to be away from my angel! Where did he go?

"_You miss him," _the voice taunted me.

"CHRISTINE!" my eyes shot open to find myself in a tense position. My eyes turn to find Raoul's. His hands around my elbows, trying to shake me awake.

"Raoul?" I whimper as I started to sob into his nightshirt.

He took me in his arms and hushed me like a child. "I heard screams; you were having a nightmare."

I thought it to be a wonderful, yet bitter dream. Guilt was building in my chest when I realized he was not the man holding me in my dreams, kissing me and singing to me. This is unfair; to both of us.

"**There comes a time when even if you don't want to admit something out loud, you must admit it to yourself. Because if you keep denying what is right in front of your eyes for too long, then you become blind." –"Go Where Your Heart Leads You" by Abarero**

"_You love him," _the voice said, even if I didn't care to admit it. _"You love your angel of music, The Phantom of the Opera. He is your light and you not only pity him, but you love him."_

"_Find him," _my mind urged me.

"Raoul," I rattled out his name with a sob. "I'm so sorry, so sorry. I've been so blind and selfish. Can you ever forgive me?" I blurted. He will misunderstand. There's no doubt about it.

He hushed me again, "It's okay Little Lotte, I forgive you."

That's it. I understand now. The relationship Raoul and I possess is of a brother and a sister- childhood friends. Little Lotte was gone, but Raoul insisted that she was still here. We're both just children holding on to memories of better times.

I sobbed harder into his shirt. I must break Raoul's heart.

I also cried for my fallen angel. I have to make things right. My poor, poor angel! How do I expect for you to forgive me?

After I calmed down, Raoul told me to lie back down. I nearly fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow, exhausted from crying and emotion. A deep, un-dreaming sleep came over me.

I spent the next morning in the de Chagny's library. I glanced at nearly every title, but none interested me.

A maid peaked her head through the doorway, "…Mademoiselle Daaé?" she hissed. The maids weren't so pleased that I was present in the de Chagny household. A performer doesn't hold much respect in Parisian society- not even to the help. "A woman is here to see you."

"Let her in," I hope it's who I think it is! I couldn't think of anyone else.

Madame Giry, my surrogate mother, strides into the room.

I smiled slightly as I hugged her. She hugged me back. "Where have you been, Christine?"

"I-I've been here. Raoul insisted-" I started.

"I don't only mean physically, Christine."

The silence that followed was deafening.

"Raoul sent me a note. I knew you have been here. I thought you would be better here for a while, but he messaged me again this morning to tell me that this isn't the case. Christine, what has happened to you?" she said in a motherly voice.

I shook my head. Of course Raoul contacted her; he cares about me too much to ignore recent events.

"I-I- where's Meg been? She's been asking about me has she not?"I asked hurried.

"Meg has asked questions, far too many for my taste, but I assured her that you are okay. Now don't change the subject; what's going on?"

I sighed visibly. "Do you know where he is?" I practically whispered.

"I do." Mme. Giry sat down in one of the seats in the room and motioned me to sit in the chair across from her.

"Madame Giry! I've hurt him so horribly!" his screams from my memory seize me, causing me to shake and shutter. "I'm no better than anyone else! I ran in fear and rejected him!"

"Christine! You've given more than anyone else has given to him! You have given that man a reason to live!"

That caused me to be stricken into silence as if she slapped me with those words. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. "He loves me, and I betrayed him. He gave me so much and I've given so little back!"

"Christine, if you are to move on with your life, you have to let that guilt go." There was a pregnant silence until she looked me with sympathy before stating, "You have to let him go."

My heart filled with dread. _"GO NOW! LEAVE ME!" _rang and echoed in my head. "_Why have you forsaken your angel, Christine?"_ my heart pumped painfully.

"I can't let him go because I think I might love him!" Mme. Giry looked at me and sighed, closing her eyes from discontent.

"I mean, I can love him. I'm falling in love with him. I just-I don't know him well enough to love him. But I _can _love him; his face and all! I know it! I need to see him- to tell him." I sighed. I wasn't sure if anything I just said made any sense.

"Christine, you do understand by seeing him, you must break your engagement with the Vicomte? By seeing Erik, you're choosing him." Mme. Giry said with a firm, strict, ballet instructor voice, but this time there was more venom in her tone.

I held my breath. "Erik?"

"I'm guessing he never told you. Yes, his name is Erik. Christine, do you understand the consequences?"

Thoughts and feelings filled my head. My angel- Erik, oh! How much his name fit him! I have been lost without him. Raoul was a good substitute, but I can never love him the way he loves me now. Let alone a lifetime. I have been so selfish, childlike. Stomping my feet and making both men compete for my love without a second thought. I've been so careless with both of their feelings because my own were conflicting. However, my feelings have been staring me in the face the whole time. But I turned a blind eye to it. Even after my revelation in Erik's lair, I took the easy way out, crushing the one I love in the process. I love him. That's why I feel such a strong connection to him.

"I love him," I whisper.

**I belong where you are.**

"Who?"

Mme. Giry and I turned to find Raoul in the door way. I choked, "Raoul, I-"

He walked articulated towards me and grabbed me by the elbows.

"How can you love him? After all he's done to you- us! How?"

Raoul shook me slightly, but wasn't too rough.

"You can't understand, Raoul."

He let go of me, throwing my arms down. "You're right, Christine." He said, clearly extremely irritated. "I don't understand why or how you could love your tormentor, captor, do I have to mention he's a _murderer?_"

"Can you blame him? He's lost everything! He's never lived life like we have taken for granted! He's bitter at the world! Bitter- bitter towards me." I finished quietly. He must resent me, my angel.

"You _DEFEND _him?" Raoul raised his voice.

"He's sinned! There's no excuse for sin! But he can be _forgiven _if he asks God! He has love inside of him! I've seen it!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE-!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Mme. Giry intervened.

"You've had every right to be angry towards me." I interjected after Mme. Giry. "I've been selfish and cruel to both of you and it's not fair! Not fair for any of us!" _"It's not fair," _my younger tone echoed me. How cruel have I been?

"I can't be Little Lotte anymore, Raoul. Ever since you've come back, she was never there. Only for brief moments did she exist once again," I took a deep breath and looked Raoul in the eyes.

He shook his head in confusion as if he had an unpleasant thought or, perhaps, a revelation.

"Christine, tell me what you want to tell me. That you've never loved me? That you now love a _monster_?_" _he spat icily at me.

"I love you dearly, Raoul," I admitted. "You are a cherished memory from my past as well as my companion. You were my safe house and my light. But we were never meant to last."

I took defined steps towards him and hugged him. As I pulled away, I slipped off my engagement ring and tucked it into his palm before kissing his knuckles lightly.

Raoul's anger seem to dissolve. "Christine-"

Tears welled up in my eyes and started to fall. I did the same things to The Phantom a month earlier with his own ring.

"-reconsider." Raoul pleaded. "Don't throw your life away!"

Looking straight into his eyes I said, "I could never love you like a wife should, Raoul. You don't- I don't deserve either of you." My hand dropped as I retreated out of the room.

I returned to the guest room of the de Chagny estate, a room that was never mine, and started to throw together all of my belongings: all the dresses that are mine from the opera house along with all of my personal items including jewelry. I will take nothing that Raoul has given to me.

Mme. Giry came in and closed the door behind her. "You are coming home to the opera house?"

"Yes," I answered plainly. "If they'll have me."

"There is no way they can deny you your home, Christine." She smiled slightly, a rare sight to behold.

After I finished packing, the carriage driver that brought Mme. Giry here happily took my trunk to the carriage.

I looked back at the front doors of the estate- wondering if Raoul will even bother to say goodbye.

Mme. Giry handed me a note. She always seems to be everyone's messenger.

I looked at the thick parchment as I recognized Raoul's writing.

_I bid you well. Au revoir, Christine._

Tears blinded my vision. Guilt consumed me. He couldn't even face me again.

I nodded as I put the note away and stepped into the carriage.

Little regret takes me as I pull away from this part of my life.

"Please tell me he isn't far," I ask.

"He's in the city, but making plans to leave. How about we go to the opera house and I will take you to him after you have some rest. With all of this on your mind, no wonder you can't sleep."

"**Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." –Ambrose Redmon**

I couldn't sleep. Not with this dread and longing settling in my stomach. I did not feel dread at the thought of seeing him, but dread of what he might say when she sees me.

Mme. Giry came to the door, "Are you ready?"

"…Yes."

When we got into the carriage, I asked, "Who is he with?"

"An old friend of his I met vaguely. He only contacted me to retrieve some things from his home." I nodded solemnly. Because of our stubbornness, Erik couldn't go home.

The carriage ceased to move.

Erik was wrong. _This _is the point of no return. My choice was never meant to be made in the cellars of the opera house. It was after I looked through the forest of deception and trees made of blindness, bitterness, and pain; and found where my heart lied- with a terrifying but loving angel. _My angel_. He's close now.

"Wait here," Mme. Giry inquired before stepping slowly off the carriage.

My heart was assaulting my body with its loud thumps racking my body. Those moments in the carriage were gruelingly expansive. I felt as if I was in purgatory- waiting endlessly for a verdict.

The carriage door opened. A dark skinned hand was held out to me. I followed the arm to find a middle-eastern looking man, about sixty years old, which was wearing a small smile on his face. He held hope in his brown eyes.

I smiled faintly as I took his hand as he helped me to the ground. We stood in front of a small, two story apartment not so far away from the opera house.

"Mademoiselle Daaé, pleasure to meet you, finally," he greeted me as the three of us stood in front of his door. "My name is Nadir. I have known Erik for… quite a while, and with what Madame Giry told me, I'm happy you're here. I would like to see my friend move on."

"I'm glad he has a good friend like you, Nadir." I smiled.

He held the door open for Mme. Giry and I.

"He's upstairs in the room to the left. Maybe you can convince him to take more care of himself. He has hardly eaten in the time he's been here," Nadir murmured the last part irrelatively. Erik must have been a hand full for him.

I started up the stairs when a hand caught my arm. I turn to see Mme. Giry. "I'm proud of you," she stated, her eyes sparkling.

Exchanging a smile back, I ascended the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door.

The room was ungodly dark. The only light was from a candle lit on the bedside table; thus, giving the room an eerie air. On the bed was a small pack along with a violin case. Towards the head of the bed was a hunched figure- his back to me; his head in his hands, wearing head to toe black formal wear.

I took slow steps into the room.

"**We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person doesn't care at all." –Eleanor Roosevelt**

"Oh please," a soft voice whispered, "why are you here?" His voice proved to me that it caused him pain to be in the same room with me.

"Erik-"

"Erik is a man's name, Christine. I am no man; at least not a good man. I never was." He spoke as if he was explaining a simple concept to a child. The part that broke my heart was that he believed it. His creed stated that he was destined for hatred from everyone, including himself.

I stumbled for words that might get through to him, but none came to mind. We stood in silence.

"Why-" he whispered again more harshly than the first, "-are you here?"

"Because I have tried your patience, and I have made my choice."

"Have you come here to throw it in my UGLY FACE? I let you go out of compassion, and this is what I GET? GO! LEAVE!" he stood up harshly, his back still turned from me. He was still formidable, but he no longer frightened me. I only saw an angry and broken man.

"NO!" I shouted. "I came here to tell you something. I came to tell you of my revelation!"

"And that is WHAT, Christine? WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT FROM ME? I'VE ALREADY GIVEN YOU EVERYTHING! HEART, SOUL …MUSIC! WHAT MORE? THE ONLY THING I haven't give you… is this face. But I wouldn't bestow my fate upon anyone else. Not even your precious Vicomte-" he trailed off.

I strode the rest of the room towards him. I dropped to my knees to kneel in front of him. "Forgive me." I whispered as I look one of his larger hands in mine as I kissed it.

"So that's what you want- my forgiveness?"

I rested my head on his knee. I felt how much I missed his presence. I would have felt peace if it wasn't for the whirlwind of emotions.

"In time," I say softly. "In time, I only hope."

"Stop, Christine. Please stop. I'm the one who should be begging you for forgiveness!" He stood and walked away from me.

"I'm leaving, Christine. I won't bother you or the Vicomte again."

I hastily got to my feet and approached him as if he would disappear. I took his shoulders and spun him around. I took his fedora off his head to reveal his patches of blond, streaked gray hair as well as his face. This time I looked without flinching. Not even in my mind did I flinch. I captured his miss happened lips with mine. In a long passionate kiss- just as I did in my dreams.

He took my shoulders and pushed me away gently as if he didn't want to part. "Do I have to remind you that you already made your choice-" he grabbed for my left hand and lifted it to find what he was looking for- gone. He stared at my ring finger before letting my hand drop to my side.

"I may be a desperate man, but I will not be second best to the Vicomte! Not again! Please leave, Christine."

"Why haven't you guessed? You are an intelligent man, but I never knew you to be one of ignorance."

He looked at me as if he had been slapped. "Ignorance? IGNORANCE? I am a realist, Christine! It's only logical for you, along with the human race, to shun me! And I thought you already knew that hope has always been a dangerous emotion to me! It causes me to do things to make that hope a reality! My hope drove you _away _from me! It made me more lethal than ever!"

My next words came naturally, "Hope no longer has to cause violence inside you! You can hope because your hope has come true! I love you! That's my revelation! I LOVE YOU! I HAVE FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU SPOKE TO ME! I LOVE YOU!" I spat at him like it was an insult.

"How is that possible?" he finally spoke. "After those lives I took? After all those threats for the sake of your career? After almost taking the life of your lover-?"

"I only thought I loved Raoul. I love him like a brother and a close friend from my past, but not a lover."

"Our love never made sense, Christine."

"Why? Because of your face? Erik, that never mattered to me. It's your actions that caused me to fear you! Never your face," I touched his cheek softly.

"I'm not sure if my heart can take it anymore, Christine. Please, spare me," tears gathering in his eyes as he said it.

"**Men are swayed more by fear than by reverence." –Aristotle**

I kissed him on the cheek. "I don't plan on running away again. I was a blind child in every way. I lied to myself and covered my love up with fear. I was selfish, so selfish, Erik…" I was now crying.

He wiped one of my tears away with his thumb.

"Please tell me this is real and not a figment of my imagination and dreams…" he whispered.

I kissed the scarred, crevassed side of his face. "Let me go with you."

"No! Your career! The opera!" he said hastily. "You can't stop singing! It would be a sin indeed!"

"I won't sing unless I'm with you, and you are a wanted man here in Paris!" I spoke the truth.

"We cannot possibly-"

"Yes we can. Marry me, Erik. Give me that ring. We'll marry in our new home town! Away from Paris! We'll find a new opera house, but you certainly won't take up your old occupation…"

He started to laugh- it made my insides flutter. Then he kissed me like he never kissed me before. No more uncertainty and nervous, only passion.

As we break apart he whispers, "My Christine. You plan our future before I can even accept your love. This must be a dream! A beautiful dream!"

I smile at him sweetly. The happiest I've seen him. He looked like a man- a normal one with a happy, bright future ahead of him.

"**You alone can make my song take flight."**

And it was all possible because of me. His light has returned and has illuminated his life once again, and this time for good. No more hope, but reality -the reality that I loved him.

"If you're serious, I assume you plan on a marriage, am I correct?"

I nodded.

"I lost the ring from before. Well, maybe not lost it more than I threw it in the gutter…"

My face dropped. "A new one will be purchased, more beautiful and more symbolic of the future… and not the past," he said the last couple of words with sorrow.

"I think that's a wonderful idea."

Then he kissed me again, and again, as many followed. That day started our forever.

My angel of music turns out to be a man who loves me, and one that I love back just as fiercely.

**I am better near to you.**

**A/N: Finally done! This took up 23 pages of my notebook and I really wanted to post this! My first Phan phic and I'm very proud of it! When I first wrote it, I hated the beginning because I thought that Christine was a little too Mary-Sue like, but I changed it up as I was typing it, so I hope it didn't turn out like I originally thought. This also took a lot of time editing since I had to do it on own. Try reading your writing 5 times thoroughly!**

**Hoped you enjoyed! Please Review! **


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